I how strive for meaning using Emily Esfahani's framework.

In a recent TED talk, Emily Esfahani, summarized her book “The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters” by identifying four pillars that contribute to a meaningful life. If you haven’t already guessed, I am a sucker for a new framework that allows me to reflect and organize what motivates me and what doesn’t. These frameworks usually oversimplify, but none-the-less, a neat-and-tidy way to reflect and look inward. Below is each pillar as described by Esfahani, how what I would attribute to each one.

Pillar 1 - Belonging: Developing deep, meaningful connections with others and feeling a sense of belonging in relationships and communities.

Despite our social media personas and the curated personalities that we bring to work, my family knows who I intrinsically am. My wife, who knows all my secrets and vulnerabilities, is unapologetically accepting of me. I cannot think of a better example as to what fills my bucket of belonging. She gives me a sense that no matter what, I am loved and accepted. Upon reflection, I believe that every other pillar listed would be on shaky ground, my sense of belonging from my Wife should faulter.

Pillar 2 - Purpose: Finding and pursuing a purpose in life, a goal or set of goals that go beyond personal gratification and contribute to the well-being of others or the world.

There was a time when coaching basketball would have been my best answer to what gives me deep purpose. Sports provides an extremely intense coaching environment, where individuals unite in the pursuit of a common goal solely for the satisfaction of accomplishment, without financial incentives. To reach these goals, 2-4 hours every day is spent solely on coaching. For 10+ years my passion was helping others realize their potential on-and-off the basketball court.

More recently this has broadened. My work increasingly provides opportunities to develop others which fills my passion for supporting the growth of individuals. The environment is less intense than sport, but I through work I can see long-term growth over multiple years. In that regard, the opportunity to lead and develop others is something I will continue to look for in any professional role. Finally, parenthood has parachuted in a deep purpose. I now live for my son and seek to provide a legacy for him. How we raise him, how I role model for him, and how I set him up for financial success provide me motivation to perform as a man and professional.

Pillar 3 - Transcendence: Experiencing moments of awe, wonder, or connection that go beyond the ordinary and provide a sense of something greater than oneself.

I have a clear and linear example of my pursuit for transcendence. In my youth, basketball held intense meaning and I dedicated myself to the sport. It provided me escape from reality and a true out-of-body flow state on a regular basis. That is a feeling, that veraciously pursue today, and most often find transcendence through physical activities. For example, a smooth and flawless mountain bike descent is often an out-of-body experience.  

However, this pillar has also broadened as I have aged. At work, I can achieve flow from immersion in research, writing, or presentations. In my personal life it could come from spending an evening with friends where time dissipates in engaging conversation and laughter. Recently, I've found a correlation to achieving flow and learning something new. It is more likely that I can enter into the “zone” when I am in the accelerated window of skill acquisition of early learning.

Pillar 4 - Storytelling: Constructing a positive narrative about one's life experiences, understanding the past, present, and future in a coherent and meaningful way.

Through a combination of hard work and a bit of luck, I found myself quickly rising to a management position at one of Canada's premier sport and fitness organizations. Despite this achievement, I grappled with imposter syndrome. I was an introvert from a small town, leading a team that included seasoned experts, some decades my senior. I was outgunned and over-my-head. In fact, to calm my nerves I played Paul Brandt's country song "Small Towns and Big Dreams," each day on my commute to work. The song, about a small-town nobody making it big, eased my anxiety.

After several successful years, my anxiety was replaced by a sense of mastery. Yet, that familiar imposter feeling resurfaced when I secured a new job with a sales focus.

“Oh god, what have I done”, I thought.

However, one of my core values, Effort served me well, and I left no stone unturned in preparation. I found the work of growth mindset pioneer Carol S. Dweck, who collected research that shows the strong influence of personal narratives, meaning that the stories we tell ourselves are powerful and self-fulfilling. Additionally, by shaping our personal narratives, we can use them to influence us positively. I intentionally changed my story from a “small-town introvert kid who lacks sales experience” to a “talented and charismatic ambivert who can leverage a lifetime of self-promotion and relationship building skills”. That narrative paved the way for success. I continue to take care in reviewing the stories I tell myself, as well as entrust a Growth Mindset as another core value.